As a child, my body did not enjoy the feeling of clothing. It also hated the feeling of being naked. From an evolutionary standpoint, I probably shouldn’t exist if something so fundamental proved a hardship.Click title link to read on.
He is drained of all invention and also aware, for the first time, that she is fully able to speak, to create images strong enough to alter his life.
James Salter A Sport and a Pastime
Of course, in a book that’s all sex, the passage that stays with me most is not.
god save the mcqueen ballgown
"When I tell people the story of Royal and I, they are usually a little dumbfounded.
“But you’re a smart girl,” they say, incredulous, “How could you put up with that?”
And because this troubles their understanding of how a woman who reads an excess of feminist books conducts herself, they really do want an answer. To put them at ease I say this or that about how I needed a heartbreak in order to grow, about how his aggression appealed to me because I am a “strong woman” and therefore presumably a masochist, or just (hello?) daddy issues. And when I tell them these things they nod appreciatively because it all checks out with their picture of why women like me exhibit poor judgment.
And, of course, it’s all bullshit. What they could never understand and therefore wouldn’t want to hear is that, despite my intelligence and gender/sex reading list, I dated Royal because I love style and he had it more than any person I’d met.”
There is a thing that my brain does that I don’t love, to put it lightly. And when it does this thing, the person who has seen it happen most often puts me under a blanket with a book and tells me to read, that it’s fine just to read, that I’m not any of the things I think I am and a lot of things that aren’t clear to me at that moment. And then he goes into the kitchen and cooks vegetables and meat and rice and feeds them to me and reminds me that this happens to me and to a lot of people. And then I make a list of all the things that keep my brain from feeling this way and he lets me read it out loud to him even though I’m sure it overlaps with the other lists I’ve read to him over the years. There are other things he does too but-
Can you even imagine a person like that?
Sarah Nicole Prickett explains to Tao Lin what smart means to her by explaining that Marie Calloway is not it
I liked this stretch of the conversation a lot because I have the smart vs. not smart conversation often and it’s an incredibly difficult thing to articulate and almost always makes everyone sound like an asshole except for the one person who says that they judge people based not on their intelligence but on their capacity for kindness and warmth, which I can’t even fathom, think is kind of horseshit and is a real asshole thing to say.
Regardless I think Sarah explained it here in the way I’ve always understood it.
It’s a quickness or a quickness that’s lacking.
Sarah: I don’t know. She [Marie Calloway] just doesn’t seem that smart to me, but I can’t tell if it’s a willful—naiveté is often confused with stupidity, and I’m not saying she’s stupid, but I’m not saying she’s smart, either. She does not seem smart but sometimes I think it’s a willful naiveté.
Tao: [raised voice] What do you mean smart, like her IQ?
Sarah: No, of course I wouldn’t mean that.
Tao: Well what do you mean? Like how much she’s read, or what?
Sarah: [slowly] Noo, I mean [pause] I’m trying to answer this smartly now, this is sort of a trick. [pause] It seems like—do you know what I mean, smart? There’s a quickness that’s lacking. She doesn’t seem like you would have a conversation with her and she would be quick, like she would be able to connect things. She doesn’t seem to live in a very big world, for one thing, and she seems to lack some essential—I don’t even want to say curiosity.
Tao: That’s—that all would apply to Jean Rhys, I feel like.
Sarah: But Jean Rhys was an outsider for other reasons. I’m not sure what Marie Calloway’s big excuse is.
Tao: What do you mean? ‘She is outside for other reasons.’
Sarah: I feel like we have much more access now. You can be smarter if you want to be. And I don’t mean—it’s not necessarily about knowing things, knowing things is all too easy. She never seems to get to anything very important. And I have a lot of tolerance for very diaristic girl’s writing. I’ve done a lot of it myself.
-excerpt from “TWO FLOWERS by three people"
"Decide that you like college life. In your dorm you meet many nice people. Some are smarter than you. And some, you notice, are dumber than you. You will continue, unfortunately, to view the world in exactly these terms for the rest of your life."
"Your only happiness is writing something new, in the middle of the night, armpits damp, heart pounding, something no one has yet seen. You have only those brief, fragile, untested moments of exhilaration when you know: you are a genius."
"Later on in life you will learn that writers are merely open, helpless texts with no real understanding of what they have written and therefore must half-believe anything and everything that is said of them."